EXPOSED FEARS

6:59am - Friday, July 23, 2010

What is fear? Why do we have fear? It serves a purpose, but also serves to dominate lives. Recently I ran into a fear. I wasn't aware that this fear was such a controlling feature in my life. One of the reasons that I write a blog is to reveal aspects of my personality to myself, most often if I'm only thinking about something it stays between my ears, and anything that's in my brain isn't real. It's an idea that I can rationalize, misplace, ignore, or generally minimize or maximize and allow to act as a controlling factor in my life.

I'm 37, I am well educated; I feel that I am well spoken, and have great life experience and spiritual experience to share with others - I considered, until recently, myself to be a personally confident person.

However, I have to see that I have a flaw that is limiting my ability to achieve and suceed. Now pay attention, if you can believe this, my defect in character is that I seek the approval of others at cost to my personal growth, success, or feelings. What does this mean? It means that I'm afraid you won't like me, and I would rather be liked, than stand up for what I believe in. Where did I learn this? From life. It wasn't something exposed to me by a CD or self improvement book.

In my quest to move forward in my life, and begin something new, I have run into one massive road block - me. I am my biggest obstacle. My programming has given me rather low self esteem, the need to please others, and negative self talk that minimizes my personal accomplishments.

Why do I care what others think of me? Why do I want you to like me? Why is the approval of others a controlling factor in my life? These are all questions that I must address and conquer as I push forward in my life.

My first response to this discovery was irritability, however, as I thought about it, I realized that I had a great opportunity on my hands. Discovering faults, becoming aware of personal deficits is the key to overcoming them and turning a liability into an asset. All perceived deficits are assets in hiding. They are what makes us stronger as people. It all goes back to the same principle that how would you know happiness if you didn't experience sadness or pain? The same applies to all areas of improvement - those areas which are perceived as negative have an opposition that is positive, and when you've experience both, you can share both, you have a story to tell that others will relate to, and perhaps even see a brighter future for themselves.

Creating a better future is what we all (ought) strive for; complacency and apathy are the disease of the 21st Century. They only way to overcome and treat them is to through self discovery and self improvement, and helping others.

Until I post again, have a great day - unless you have other plans.

- Michael